HALLOWEEN??

i had to do some research (don't ask) and i found out some really freaky things... i know, halloween is about spooky things and ghosts and stuff and i should definitely feature some really frightening stuff today ... and somehow i think i do =D

ok, anyone remembers aqua? that skandinavian band? their first album aquarium? i somehow got the feeling lene might be one of us, the boys are definately... and lene is kind of cute... and she has this fabulous eagle tattooed on her right arm... but anyway, this song was hilarious! and it's trashy and completely silly... well, if you think about it, the only real cause of it's existing seems to be this: being the ministresses halloween treat =D (my favourite part is when the arm fells of)

enjoy the stupidity:

TALKS # 12 - DINNER FOR TWO


welcome to the glorious finale of the historical JUSTINE-ELECTRA-SUPPORT-WEEK (and we are still not sure if her first name is pronounced english or french?!) ... what's a better ending of this week than celebrate it with a nice little podcast? and what kind of a podcast!? i think it's the best we made up to now. my cheeks are still hurting from laughing this much, or maybe because of all the chewing.... anyway, it is a nice one. aaaaaaaaaaaand... the incomparable and unique tOni is with us again. and there's a challenge for our listeners, a fantastic prize, hilarious surprizes, lots of talking about food, disgusting sounds because of food in a mouth, drinking and laughing, laughing, laughing. oh and there was a lot of dancing and headbanging and skidding of arms and legs too - but we forgot to record that... sorry!
i'm also sorry, that i couldn't get tOni into more singing - i tried my best, you'll hear that - but she screamed a lot and i think she finally got a name... what do you think of mustard master - well "mustard mistress" might be better - don't look at me like this, you'll understand everything after listening to this exquisit little treasure of audio-entertainment which we will simply call:

the wurst podcast ever .

WARNING: if you are vegetarian, this podcast might hurt your feelings, please do not blame us for any harm you get from listening to this. i saw what happened to tOni, when she (without even warning me) quit her vegetarianism for this great piece of art...


tracks in order of appearance

killalady - justine electra (support support support)

yes and no - venus hum

the girl's attractive - diamond nights

sofa song - kooks

walkie talkie man - steriogram (that's really their name) (honest!!!)

dreaming of you - the coral

weakness - mcrad

radio/video - system of a down

fuck u - archive

evil - misty's big adventure

love is and unfamiliar name - the duke spirit


THE DIVINE MUSTARD is from MAILLE and it's the one called "A l'Ancienne" and it's the best mustard on earth, trust me!

THE IMPORTANCE OF THE AMAZING ANIMAL KEYBOARD TO MODERN MUSIC

i don't know how the beatles were able to sell their records without having this fascinating toy from the far far east. i mean they tried very hard, with harmoniums and sitars and a lefthanded bassplayer, but even half of the sgt. pepper album is recorded backwards they couldn't reach the performance level you step up to by using an animal keyboard... i mean it's written on it... it's amazing!

the most amazing fact about mine is, that the dog AND the horse AND the bird do barking sounds... not like the hightechdevice miss electra uses... she got a rooster on it, with an excellent voice ... but her batterycase is broken HAHA!!! and to be honest, me would love to have at least a decent chicken on mine, or a cat, not to speak of a frog... do you now that in germany ducks and frogs make the same sound? it's "qwaak" for both animals... even though the english "ribbitt" fits the frog much better... we simply ignore it and keep on cofusing our kids... any further questions how i became what i am??? ... =D

but anyway, fact is, if you are really interested in making music, this thing is a total must. but check it out in the store! don't let them get away with barking birds! a cow is absolutely necessary, a pig too and if you want to go into the charts you have to have a rooster!!!

and back to the concert and sweet miss electra... last time we left her, she stood alone on stage (with this very interesting red blouse that had a turtleneck in front and NOTHING at the back *sigh) killing the playbackmachine. now we find her using this wonderful instrument surrounded by two people called "a band". the bassplayer - male =( - and another guitar player - female but guitar =( - so she gave the playback machine the death-blow and picked up her guitar... first handmade sound on stage... OH! ... that's what she said, when she heard what she did... remember? i was not joking when i told you she went on stage to get the guitars of tune ... she really get them of tune!! ... so the oh! was followed by 5 minutes of hounded tuning and hilarious chitchat with the audience... first question of the teacher-bunch "how comes you speak german this well?" she lives in berlin for years stupid!!! (i nearly saw myself smacking the back of his head) but i was thankful that he made her make this flabbergasted face....

well and after five minutes, the guitars were tuned right again, and the show went on ... with something that might frighten betty... yes, the band that's guilty for the l word song for season 2 and 3 ... miss electra sang a song, it was wonderful, it was funny, it was NOT embarassing and it contains exactly four words that not started with the letter l ... it also made no sense at all, but it sounded really nice =D

and because she said it will not appear on an album and this post is pretty long already i will not add any lyrics... instead i go and shake tOni a little last time i counted she picked 70 songs for tonights session, i don't know how she'll reduce them down to 10...

KILLING THE PLAYBACKMACHINE

before telling you the horrible story of this poor cd-player i have to tell you what i like most at this time of year... tangerines! and co-workers that eat tangerines by the case, and share them, and the whole office smells like tangerines and it's wonderful =D

ok, after this little journey to the land of olfactory pleasures, back to the bloody reality (that sometimes bites)

can you remember the days, when music was delivered on vinyl? there were these kids who were this clumsy, you wouldn't even let them near your prescious audiogems, because all they can do is scratch... i didn't know that this is possible with a cd-player up to i meet miss electra =D... so she walked on stage, half an hour late, still in her jacket (she blamed the driver and traffic and a shopping trip???) and started with getting all the guitars of tune ... then she put off her jacket (breathtaking back!!) and introduced us to her "orchestra" a cd-player which i call "the playback machine".

this poor little technical device was turned on with a "QRKS" the complete audience shrugged and wonderful miss electra smiled so disarming, we all had to laugh... it turns out this "QRKS" was part of the concept... she did it when she started a tune, when she ended it, sometimes she just hit that poor thing to make that sound in the middle of a song... and to be honest, she also could have taken a gun and simply shoot it off... the shrugging would have been the same.

and todays musical treat:

artist: justine electra
song: wild thing
she says it will never appear on an album because it is somehow "illegal"

wild thing
you make my heart sing
you make everything
come on, wild thing

(here she started to fake an orgasm kind of: "yes, yes, yes... no... yes, no... left..left!" -why is it always left by the way?)

wild thing, i think you move me
but i gotta know for sure
come on and hold me tight
oh you move me

(faking again)

wild thing, i think i need you
but i gotta know for sure
come on and squeeze me tight
oh i need it

(yes, yes, yes...YEEES! - it was hilarious)


tommorrow i'll tell, why kids toys are this important to underground musicians

IT'S THE OFFICIAL SUPPORT-JUSTINE-ELECTRA-WEEK


ha!!! it was a QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER evening!!!! the signs where right, and i'm so glad i listened to them!



firts of all: the concert was great!
... but the girl has a problem – pseudointellectual audience!!!

you know these kind of „open minded“ teachers who talk about art but will not recognize art if it bites them in the ass? yes i am an elitist, so what? these people act open minded and truely they are the biggest bigots on earth... i think that’s worse. and they tend to bother me... there were maybe 100 people in this room, so there was loads of space to stand and watch the show... no these idiots have to stand right in front of my face! careless bastards!!
now you might ask, what have i done to protect tiny tOni from these ginormous assholes? well i have to admit that tOnis brainquake (which she got from me shaking her) was useless. she couldn’t make it to the show, because she had to work. and she sooooooooo would have loved it. can you remember the lalalalovesongs mix? never tear us apart by INXS??? tOni talking about it? miss electra performed a cover of this song... i cannot say if i’m happy or sad, that tOni wasn’t there to scream, jump on stage and kiss the singer, faint or do anything else of the embarrasing stuff she usally does in a situation like this...

so to honour michael hutchence (who is according to miss electra the best singer in the world – besides kylie – yes she is australian, how did you know??) and to feel sad for tOni missing this, today we’ll share the performed and oh so wise passage of never tear us apart... read carefully and with an open mind... if you are one of the described teachers from above... what are you doing here?

artist: justine electra
song: never tear us apart
she said it will never appear on an album

don't ask me
what you know is true
don't have to tell you
i love your precious heart

we could live
for a thousand years
but if i hurt you
i'd make wine from your tears

i told you
that we could fly
'cause we all have wings
but some of us don't know why


she only sang this part ... about five times ... and then she killed the playback machine ... (i'll tell everything about that tomorrow)

KONZERT SURPRISE (first word german, second french)

tonight i will see justine electra, hopefully, if i can get a ticket, but it will be fun i guess... here is what happened:

finally, after three months of silence tOni arranged a new wurstbrot. one of the songs got me from the first tune... it's killalay from justine electra... of course i googled her, and i found out she will be in town tonight...and you know what? - i think that's a SIGN!!!
so spontaneously as i am i grabbed my dear tOni and shook her (thanks to her parents who made her this tiny) until she agreed to go to see her with me. i don't know nothing except two songs and i don't want to hear anything else until tonight. i want to be surprised!!!!

so here is something i will hear tonight... i think it can become a pretty queer evening =D

TALKS # 11 - QUEER

the word queer... interesting little thing... this is what wikipedia spits out:

"Traditional usage

Since its emergence in the English language in the 16th century (related to the German quer, meaning 'across, at right angle, diagonally or transverse'), queer has generally meant 'strange', 'unusual', or 'out of alignment'. It might refer to something suspicious or 'not quite right', or to a person with mild insanity or who exhibits socially inappropriate behavior. The expression 'in Queer Street' was used in the UK as of the 1811 edition of Francis Grose's A Classical Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue for someone in financial trouble. It gained its implication of sexual deviance (especially that of homosexual and/or effeminate males) in the late 19th century; an early recorded usage of the word in this sense was in a letter by John Sholto Douglas, 9th Marquess of Queensberry to his son Lord Alfred Douglas.
Subsequently, for most of the 20th century, 'queer' was used primarily as a derogatory term for effeminate and/or gay males, and others exhibiting non-traditional gender behavior, with the more general meaning gradually falling into disuse. During this transition, someone might use the term literally in the older sense, but implying the newer sense. For example, 'He's a queer fellow,' would ostensibly be a statement that the man is a bit odd, but the subtext was that the speaker believed him to be gay (however this is not to say that, in transitional or even in contemporary usage, there always exists such a subtext whenever the word is used).
The term was also used disparagingly by people within the lesbian and gay communities during much of the 20th century. It might be self-applied as a form of self-deprecation, or it might be aimed at another—perhaps more stereotypically 'gay' or less conventional—gay man or lesbian woman, as an epithet, suggesting that the target is even 'lower' than the speaker. It might also be used to denigrate a peer by reminding him of his status in society: just a 'queer'.

Contemporary usage

In contemporary usage, some use queer as an inclusive, unifying sociopolitical umbrella term for people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, and also for those who are transgender, transsexual, intersexual and/or genderqueer. It can also include asexual and autosexual people, as well as heterosexuals whose sexual preferences or activities place them outside the mainstream (e.g. BDSM practitioners, or polyamorists). Queer in this sense (depending on how broadly it is defined) is commonly used as a synonym for such terms as LGBT or lesbigay.

... "

the only thing that has to be added to this more or less scientific excurse is what are - according to the ministress - ka_weeeer sounds .

tracklist in order of appearance

queer - garbage

queen of denial - ruby

stripped - depeche mode

think that thought - planningtorock

violently happy - björk

cannonball - the breeders

love punch - the chalets

strict machine - goldfrapp

terrible angels - cocorosie (thanx 2 magnolia)

add it up - violent femmes

nothing else matters - apocalyptica


be nice to your brain and don't try to find any sense here ... i've told you i am kryptic

OCTOBER, 18TH 1926

birthday of one of the greatest (mad) geniusses i ever heard of ... KLAUS KINSKI
a man with passion, a man with the madest eyes in filmbusiness, a man with an extraordinairie beautiful daughter (she's 45 now and still has the eyes of a 16 year old girl and i hope she will keep them forever), one of the greatest actors ever and a sick, sick human being. he would turn 80 today if he didn't died 15 years ago... but nonetheless i want to honor him today with the piece i love most... his interpretation of a poem by francoise villon from around 1450!! it's wonderful, and i'm very sorry that my english is this bad, because i believe it deserves much better translation.

and for further honoring of the work of kinski i would recommend to watch fitzcarraldo or nosferatu tonight... or paris, texas if you're more interested in nastassja ;D


poem: erdbeermund
author: francoise villon
read by: i thought it was kinski, but now as i think about it again... its you...

du... du... ich bin so wild nach deinem erdbeermund,
ich schrie mir schon die lungen wund
nach deinem weißen leib, du weib.
im klee, da hat der mai ein bett gemacht,
da blüht ein süßer zeitvertreib
mit deinem leib die lange nacht.
da will ich sein im tiefen tal.
dein nachtgebet und auch dein sterngemahl.

im tiefen erdbeertal, im schwarzen haar,
da schlief ich manchen sommer lang
bei dir und schlief doch nie zuviel.
komm... komm... komm her... ich weiß ein schönes spiel
im dunklen tal, im muschelgrund...
ah... ah... ah du... ah du... du ach,
ich bin so wild nach deinem erdbeermund!
ah... ah... ah... ah... ah... ah... aah...

die graue welt macht keine freude mehr,
ich gab den schönsten sommer her,
und dir hat's auch kein glück gebracht;
nicht wahr, hast nur den roten mund noch aufgespart,
für mich, für mich, für mich, so tief im haar verwahrt...
ich such ihn schon die lange nacht
im wintertal, im aschengrund...
ich bin so wild nach deinem erdbeermund.

im wintertal, im schwarzen erdbeerkraut,
da hat der schnee ein best gebaut
und fragt nicht, wo die liebe sei.
ich habe doch das rote tier so tief
erfahren, als ich bei dir schlief.
ach, oh wär nur der winter erst vorbei
und wieder grün der wiesengrund!
Oh du... du oh... du,
ich bin so wild nach deinem erdbeermund! Oh ...


(the dilettantic english translation)

you ... you ... i am so wild for your strawberrymouth
i already screamed my lungs sore
for your white body, you broad
in the clover, may has build a bed
there’s blooming a sweet pasttime
with your body the long night
there i want to be, in the deep valley.
your nighttime-prayer and also your star-lord.

in the deep strawberryvalley, in the black hair
there i slept many a summer long
with you and never slept too much
come ... come... come here... i know a lovely game
im the dark valley, in the conch base
ah... ah... ah you... you alas,
i’m so wild for your strwberrymouth!
ah... ah... ah... ah... ah... ah... aah...

the grey world holds no pleasure anymore,
i gave the most beautiful summer away
and for you it either was no lucky charm
isn’t that true, you only saved that red mouth
for me, for me, for me, hidden deep in hair
i search for it the whole night long
in the wintervalley, in ashes ground
i am so wild for your strawberrymouth

in the wintervalley, in the black strawberryhaulm
the snow has build a nest
and asks not, where the love may be
i really have experienced that red animal
so well when i slepped by your side
alas, o would the winter just be over
and green again the meadow-ground
oh you... you oh... you,
i am so wild for your strawberrymouth, oh...

I THINK

this:



is one of the best choreographed videos of all times. plus it's funny =D

TALKS # 10 - WEAK AS I AM

i think my body contains too much testosterone. i tested it the last few days, and it is obvious! i'm a weakling! especially when it comes to suffering from a respiratory infection. then i transform into a whining bunch of sniffling meat - typical male behaviour, it must be too much testosterone and i'm scared of that.
but honestly! this cold nearly killed me. my head hurted, my ears hurted, my whole body was aching! do you know, there are 128 bones in your hand, each one! and there are joints who allow them to move. so imagine yourself with two hands with 256 joints and every single one of them hurts! that's not funny at all!!! down there is a commentbox where you can tell me how pity you feel for me. plus, i lost two days of my life to sleep... and that's not fair! and these ridicilous hallucinations i had during that fever-attacks were not at all a decent trade-off for this loss. so as always, when i am cursed to breathe only through my mouth i was lamenting! no wonder i need sad lovesongs to make me feel better. and because my dear tOni prefers to go to a bachelorette-party than play her promised lovesongs to me, i had to do it all by myself. be kind during listening, and be even kinder with your critics, because i'm still very very vulnerable *bambieyes

so if your immune system is alright and you have stocked up chickensoup, vitamins and tissues, we can allow you to listen _of course at your own risk - to the ministresses audio-gaydar

oh, and i have to add something about the book-thing. i think i don't worshiped this story enough. to explain it again, i think it is a really great move to combine the idea of a future society runned by homosexuals with a timetravel- and conspiracy-plot, i also like the "sampling"-thing which of course is not possible without a trip to the future, and last but not least it is a very nice written sexstory. and because this is only one of a lot of really good written stories in this book, i recommend it again... well to all the german-speaking dames reading this. it is called "bisse und küsse" make sure you get the first one! there is bisse und küsse 2 (not as good as the first one but still ok) and bisse und küsse 3 (disappointing) too. so make sure you get the right one!

and that was enough advertisment for this post! here's the tracklist of our lamentory podcast-session

forget about the world - gabrielle

i try - macy gray

you can sleep while i drive - melissa etheridge

il adore - boy george

time after time - cyndi lauper

almost happy - k's choice

rain - madonna

just let the sun - skin

glory box - portishead

lovesong for a vampire - annie lennox

TALKS # 09 - CRITIZISIN' iTUNES

you'll hear again what happens when i'm not adviced by the italian lady who makes me speak faster. no tOni, no singing, just nico babbling amok, changing her title back and forth and being a big gay bigot.
this time we (the fifteen voices inside my head + me) are philosophing about an "essential" list that itunes put together - to be precise, the gay pride for girls essentials. just in case i did not mention this on the podcast *MWUAHAHA ... anyway, my idea of a list of essential lesbian songs is a bit different from the one they had at the lesbian departement over there at itunes. so i put something together what is essential for me. it has nothing to do with lyrics or the artist being gay or something like that, it's just the complete subjective and totally bigot thing that it feels lesbian to me! so i make it essential... and if anyone out there has to add something ... my ears are wide open, and songs i definitely forgot are very welcome... just keep in mind, that a POWERGUITAR is absolutely necessary to make a song be added to this list.

so if you are interested in the secret non-vanilla side of kissing girls, listen to the ministresses ultimate LESsentials

+++ newsflash +++ amy was able to translate where i failed supreme +++ (bowing to the dictionary on legs) +++ so she translates "dein hackenschuh ist scharf wie du" to "your high heel is fierce like you" +++ and i trust her +++ and i thank her +++ AND i send her big hugs +++


tracks in order of appearance

miss alissa - eagles of death metal (thanx 2: green, janie and jack)

auf'm bahnhof zoo - nina hagen

come on eileen - no doubt

she's my heroine - skunk anansie

i want your (hands on me) - sinéad o'connor

superfly - 4 non blondes

steady as she goes - the raconteurs (thanx 2: uta)

one WAY or another - blondie

gay bar - peaches

flo - smashmouth